Paper

Paper is so important to our culture, we can't live without it.

• We use paper to write love letters.
• Agreements between people are practically null and void unless they are written on paper.
• We exchange paper money as currency that has no other real value except for our own acceptance of it.

But one of the most important kinds of paper.. the one so crucial that it's considered almost inhumane to live without it? Toilet paper.

I had a realization in the men's room stall at work today. It occurred to me while I was trying to unwind a wad of TP from the roll, that our public and home bathroom tissue expectations are wildly different.

When one goes to the supermarket to shop for home supplies, the TP aisle is an abundance of luxurious, pampering goodness. Cushioned, multi-ply softness dominates. Generally, even if you buy the cheapest generic store brand, the products are by and large very useful and satisfying.

In public restrooms, however, it's a whole 'nother scene. The paper is sometimes so thin, that the inertia from the rest of the roll is just too much for the poor micro thin fibers, causing a single square to vaporize while exerting the gentlest pull humanly possible. Sometimes it takes two hands. One to turn the paper roll, and the other to gingerly catch the coveted prize as it is revealed inch by inch. Other times, the paper is thick like paper towel material, making one wonder if someone made a mistake when pulling packages from the supply closet.

Whatever the deficiency, two things strike me:

1. That the people in charge of choosing products are clearly more cost conscious than, let's say, "customer service" conscious. Obviously, these public papers are not the type anyone would like to use themselves. But they somehow feel justified in inflicting them on the faceless masses.
2. This cruel stinginess is so widespread and institutionalized, that commercial restroom supply companies stock and sell heaping masses of these tortuous products even though no supermarket wouldn't dream of carrying such substandard toiletries. These products are conceived of and manufactured purely to satisfy the cheapskate commercial world.
   

So what does this say about how our institutions' level care for their fellow man? I think it's true what the FBI says about solving mysteries...

Just follow the paper.